Got a problem? The Dolly Mama is here for you. You can find her by writing us here.
Dear Dolly,
WHY DO PEOPLE LOVE MONSTER MOVIES? Godzilla versus Kong?
I mean seriously. I’m a romcom fan myself.
RomCom
Dear RomCom,
Most people love a good monster. It confirms their nightmares. It fits in with their experience at the office and in the grocery store and in traffic. Monster movies are much more popular than love stories because they scare us. What scares most people even more, though, than a good monster, is a happy story. We just don’t dare trust that wounds are productive. And yet, they are.
Now before the trauma control police have their way with my innocence, let me assure you that not all suffering is productive. A woman who is raped a second time often loses a third or a half of her life to fear. That’s a big penalty. A child who is sexually abused may come “back” to the possibility of a good childhood, but she is likely to be permanently afraid at some level. Trust is no longer in her emotional budget. A prisoner who does 20 years only to discover when he gets out that without an address, and with a prior, he is unlikely to be employable.
The problem with trauma and those who get away with inducing it is here. Some damage is permanent. But all damage is not permanent. Monster movies are good for us because they create catharsis. They almost shout, “at least my everyday tragedies are not accompanied by Godzilla. At least King Kong is only in the movies.” But they sing in the tragic key. “Bad things are gonna get ya.”
One more metaphor. Remember the giant boat that got stuck in the Suez Canal? “The Ever Given.” It represented everything we know about the powerlessness of the large. It showed us what the narrow place is really like. You’re just stuck there, having to get more weapons, all of which are worthless against your stuckness. Instead, you must wait for the full moon to lift you after 27,000 tons of sand not working, not to mention the impotent fatigue of the great cranes and the diggers.
Haven’t you ever called an ex-lover a monster?
What is your worst fear? Why complain about people who are so scared that they pay money to meet one?
Dolly Mama
Dear Dolly,
I recently stayed in a motel after a long break from them. It amazed me that they still had hair dryers. Do people really dry their hair? Why? Why do they waste time and electricity like that? Doesn’t it dry your hair out and result in premature aging?
They also had little bottles of lotion, conditioner, and shampoo, not to mention the wrapped soaps. Wouldn’t it be better to make people bring their own? Not to mention the packaging for the coffee and the stirrers and the sugar and the “Cremora?”
Anti-packaging person
Dear Anti-packaging person,
I thought you were worried about premature aging. Now it turns out what you’re really worried about is not getting the chance to age at all. Didn’t the global pandemic teach you not to touch anything that hadn’t been touched by gloved and masked people? Would you really want to use a soap somebody else had already used?
I think you trivialize both the aging matter and the green matter. We are likely doomed, environmentally. We will surely die and likely our hair will look very dry way before we die. People will notice. What else is there to say?
I suggest you lighten up and enjoy your days and stop complaining about things over which you have little control.
Dolly
Who is the Dolly Mama?
The Dolly Mama is a spiritual version of Dear Abby. Her intention is to combine the irreverence of Dolly Parton with the surrender and non-attachment beloved by Buddhists. She wants to let go of what can’t be fixed – in either self or others – and fix what can by applying the balm of humor.
She is a spiritual handyperson, a soul mechanic, a repairer of broken appliances. Every now and then the combination of letting go and hanging on achieves sufficient balance for an improvement in spiritual posture, stronger spine, and personal peace. The Dolly Mama is not her day job. By day, she works as an ordained United Church of Christ and American Baptist pastor of a regular, if edgy, congregation.
