Got a problem? The Dolly Mama is here for you. You can find her by writing us here.
Dear Dolly Mama,
When we broke up, he kept my grandmother’s shoe box of Christmas ornaments. He also tried to steal the cat, but I kidnapped it back. The ornaments were inside his apartment and therefore unkidnappable, even though I still had a key. He kept saying (by email) that he didn’t know if he still had them. I knew he did, and I knew it was a way to keep me crawling back to him.
I finally got a friend to go see him, get the ornaments, and bring them to me. And all contact stopped.
Until. He started to harass me online. What can I do? Even my cat is experiencing the stress.
Ornaments
Dear Ornaments,
I am terribly sorry to know of your ex not being an ex. He must really have had it bad for you, since he is being so bad, so consistently. While I have no answer what his place is in this cosmic economy of loss and gain, nor do I believe that anything is ever truly lost in the universe, I wonder if you might have a bit of a part in this mess yourself. Have you tried blocking him online? Have you tried calling the social media police? They must have a whole department that works on ex-cess. How much of your energy is he taking up every day? Have you thought of putting up a Christmas tree and putting only your grandmother’s ornaments on it and sending him a photo of it? Have you thought about figuring out how not to give a rat’s…….about him? Or his foolishness?
We can almost always have what we can let go of, in direct proportion one to the other. If you really let go of him, as in ignore him regularly, after a ritual farewell, like a full Christmas tree photo, with ornaments, you might really have an exit from this ex. Even letting him bother you is a mistake.
Dolly
Dear Dolly,
What is the best way for congregations to get mission consistent use out of their underused buildings?
Dear Consistency:
Adaptive reuse is the only way most congregations are going to live to pray another day, another way. That might include giving space away to business owners doing startups. Let them use your light, heat, machinery, internet. Be generous with the space and understand it is more than a chair and a desk. Think of it as the loan of infrastructure or as an investment in a human who is making an investment in others. Or give it away to another two or three congregations to use at different times. Many new immigrant congregations need a space to worship. Or give the space away to a dance or theater group. Or do all of these. Crowd the building with humanity. Set up a coffee station (after Covid of course) and let the energies mix and meet. For all you know, they might come to worship. BUT NEVER ASK THEM TO. Make sure you are full square living in the gift economy and see what happens.
Or consider turning some of the space into affordable housing. Cross subsidizations are where market rates support affordable. Build a high rise on your land. Penthouses top two floors, the rest for the dancers and immigrants using your building.
Jesus would love the activity and the giving. And you might too. Every bill you pay that is divided by 12 makes the costs of business high. Every bill you pay that is divided by 12 x 12, or 7 x 7, makes the costs of doing business lower. Multiple the gift economy and it might even multiply you. Eventually some of these people will be the ones who help you pay the “light” bill.
Dolly
Who is the Dolly Mama?
The Dolly Mama is a spiritual version of Dear Abby. Her intention is to combine the irreverence of Dolly Parton with the surrender and non-attachment beloved by Buddhists. She wants to let go of what can’t be fixed – in either self or others – and fix what can by applying the balm of humor.
She is a spiritual handyperson, a soul mechanic, a repairer of broken appliances. Every now and then the combination of letting go and hanging on achieves sufficient balance for an improvement in spiritual posture, stronger spine, and personal peace. The Dolly Mama is not her day job. By day, she works as an ordained United Church of Christ and American Baptist pastor of a regular, if edgy, congregation.
